


The Journal of Matthew Malloy

by Anarchyinplasma



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, JOURNAL ENTRY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-20 08:40:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19373167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anarchyinplasma/pseuds/Anarchyinplasma
Summary: A brief look into the mind of one of Marvel's most powerful reality warpers.





	The Journal of Matthew Malloy

**Author's Note:**

> So I (sort of) finished this a little while ago and was debating to post it, but figured why not. So this is a look inside the mind of what I think is one of the most interesting characters that I have read about in comics. Constructive criticism always welcome. ^_^

My power scares me.

Reality warpers in general are always looked at with a bit of fear, but I don’t know what I am, the doctors and specialists I’ve seen described me as a reality warper, apparently of the highest order, I sought a bit of assistance with Xavier’s school, I got help with control and started to test my limits, but I couldn’t take it, I don’t know if I’m just defective, my brain just can’t seem to handle the scope of power my mutation gives me, Doctor McCoy told me once I could infinitely warp reality on a fundamental and irreducible level; god-hood.

I met a lot of the younger kids, also learning to control their powers for the first time, no other reality warpers there (we’re a rare breed, I guess), but there was a kid about 13 years old called John, who could manipulate matter infinitely on an incredibly localised scale, nothing like even the barest hints of my power, but he seemed to have so much control, so much understanding of his own ability, he was working on moving individual electrons into separate orbits to change chemical structures, something I can theoretically do too, but it wasn’t the power he displayed that fascinated me, it was the control.

Dr McCoy would have both of us work with simple chemical solutions; copper ion solutions to be exact. He wanted us to change the molecules within the solution to a different ionic state. So I’d sit there, I’d focus, and just like that, I could rewrite the information written on the canvas of the universe, I could change copper ions to be pure solid gold, platinum, I could change them into stuff like pure adamantium, vibranium, I could have created a miniature star, solar system, galaxy etc within that test-tube, but that wasn’t what he wanted me to do. This kid John, he showed me that he was individually adjusting the orbits of multiple electrons to give the atoms a different signature; and he was doing it one at a time, he overwrote atoms individually, the solution changed gradually, he held two individual types of ionic solution that should never be able to interact and he forced them to stay together as he changed reality.

Theoretically I was able to do that, I can now if I try, but my point is that this kid was, effectively, a micro-god. He understood his powers, his brain was wired right, he could understand the effect his own ability had on reality and his mind could compute it properly to allow him to do anything he wanted within a three metre radius of his body.

That level of fine control should be within my ability, my power dwarfs that of John, I brought myself back from the dead once, I’m supposed to be on the level of people like Franklin Richards, maybe even higher, unless my self-resurrection was a one-shot deal, I’m not too sure on that myself, certainly I have no idea how I did it, but that’s beside my point.

I scare myself because I’m a broken god. My emotional state is the big elephant in the room, I’ve worked on my grief, the telepaths like Miss Frost and Miss Grey were a great help, and I had a very deep conversation with a young material empath when I stepped through the institutes doors and she noticed my wedding ring. But I’m still regarded warily by many people, I caught stray thoughts from the lower level telepaths who helped me, they were scared, as it was explained to me, there are only about four or five mutants who’ve ever been strictly classified as “beyond Omega level”. I’m one of them, but I’m also the one with the least control. The X-Men once dealt with a threat called Vulcan, an energy manipulator who was awarded this classification of being “beyond” Omega level, but apparently even his level of power is dwarfed by mine; and I’m by far the mutant with the least control over my power out of this elite group. The closest person to me in terms of power would be Absolon Mercator, but his help is rather unavailable since he’s dead. According to my power, I should be able to reverse that, but I’ve no idea how, and there’s no telling what kind of damage I could do if I tried something so far removed from the natural order. I’ve been told that doesn’t matter, that for a reality warper of my stature and raw ability the natural order is really more a vague suggestion that I can ignore entirely than a rulebook I must adhere to, but some things must remain sacrosanct.

This is one of the things that scared me most, I could resurrect my wife, the love of my life, in theory, but some things have to remain sacred, if I were to bring Jules back from the dead, then what justification do I have to not do the same for everyone who’s ever lost a loved one, could I even do that? If what people tell me is true, then I should be able to do such a thing as easily as snapping my fingers or lifting a hand, but there’s another issue with that too.

As a high order reality warper my powers are limited exclusively by my mind (if I discount my aptitude in wielding them), my imagination is the only remotely limiting factor to a power source that can rewrite the fundamental mathematics of the universe. I could even change universal laws, the acceleration of gravity, anything I wanted so long as I can think it. But I have to think it. Resurrecting people would never go right. Even Jules, the woman I loved, to bring her back I would need to remember her clearly, purely, an image untainted by my grief or by my love for my wife, and in my mind no such image exists. Even if I did resurrect my wife, she probably wouldn’t really be Jules. But as much as that saddens me, I have a responsibility, my powers are extreme, I need to learn how to wield them properly, not to go insane with the ability of a god and the mental state of a degraded husk of a man.

I could probably join the fabled X-men, my power is extreme enough to warrant it, I’d likely get a swish costume, probably a “cool” codename, but that isn’t for me. I’m not a hero, I never will be, I’m just a regular guy. But I can never really be, I could break the universe if I went out of control, I don’t even know if there’s a feasible way to stop me; I hope there is, as much as I hope I’ll never lose control to that degree. I got told that this journal would help me organise my mind, and I guess it has, but mostly it’s made me almost as scared as I was before, as scared as other people. Humans are flawed, we know this, we accept it, even embrace that these flaws make us a unique race. But are such a knowingly flawed group of people fit to wield a kind of power that puts lesser gods to shame? I can’t answer that, and I’m not sure I want to try.

For now, my tutelage continues under the guidance of Gabriel Shepard, he’s what they call a proto-mutant, biologically immortal, and like me, he can manipulate the fundamental rules of nature, apparently he’s a chrono-kinetic, still trying to wrap my brain around that but someday I may even know what it feels like to control time, who even knows. But unlike me Shepherd has had over seven hundred years to hone his abilities, and he’s already taught me a great deal, recently I’ve been working on stretching my limits again, trying for more complex and delicate results than simply ripping up concrete or manipulating baser materials, low level fusion is my favourite exercise, though I need to be careful with it, it involves taking the molecules of the air around me, converting them into hydrogen, and then forming and controlling a miniature star in my hand, it’s exciting, and now that I’m steadily working past my fear I might even be able to try it without supervision soon, hopefully the next time I write I’ll be a bit more apt with control than I was today, slow and steady progress, that’s the key, or so I’m told. But for now, I think I’ll finish up this entry.

\- Matthew Malloy, probably the most scared god in existence.


End file.
